


When?

by AlAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, angst appreciation day, falling apart relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:46:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlAngel/pseuds/AlAngel
Summary: When did your relationship change?





	1. Part I

Title: When?  
Characters: Crowley x reader  
Warnings: angst, falling apart relationship  
Word Count: ~350  
Summary: When did your relationship change?  
A/n: I wanted to post at least some short new fic for angst appreciation day. It’s more of a longer drabble. Anyway hope you like it.  
….

There are days when you feel alone and there are days when you know you’re utterly alone. Some days you beat yourself up for not being good enough, for not being wanted. Then come the days when you get it rubbed in your face.  
“I won’t make it tonight, love” Was all the sticky note on your fridge said, but it was enough to shatter your heart. Of course he wouldn’t come. Like he cancelled most other dates last minute, like he didn’t even come home to you some nights anymore. You didn’t just feel alone you were alone.  
Being in a relationship with a demon was hard enough. They didn’t really do feelings or commitment, hell they didn’t even sleep! Being with the king of hell was worse. People tried to kill or kidnapped you all day. You couldn’t remember the last time you had been out without a care in the world, without looking over your shoulder all the time.   
But it had been okay, the small price to pay, to be with the demon you loved with all your heart. Crowley, event though being who and what he was, gave you everything you ever wanted in a man. Confidence, security, strength and most of all love. When he looked at you you felt like there was nothing more special to him in the world.  
If he only he’d look at you again. Lately being with him seemed different, he didn’t come to see you as often as he used to and when he was around he didn’t really look at you anymore. At some point you started feeling like a bullet point on a check list that needed to be dealt with before moving on in his schedule. Then he stopped showing regularly at all.  
Dates were cancelled with post it notes or texts, evenings at home were rare and his half of the bed stayed cold most nights. Even on your anniversary night he didn’t show. Tears were forming on your cheeks as you looked in the mirror. When did everything change? When did he become so distant? When did you fall so hard? You used to be a confident, independent woman. When did you give your heart away like you promised you never would?  
When did you fall in love so deep you know you couldn’t fall out of it ever again? When?


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: You didn’t know when your relationship failed but you knew when it ended.  
> A/n: I wanted to post at least some short new fic for angst appreciation day, but I couldn’t leave the idea alone. Not so good with drabbles, am I? Anyway here’s a bit more context to the drabble. Still very sad though.

Title: When? II  
Characters: former Crowley x reader  
Warnings: angst, falling apart relationship  
Word Count: ~700  
Summary: You didn’t know when your relationship failed but you knew when it ended.  
A/n: I wanted to post at least some short new fic for angst appreciation day, but I couldn’t leave the idea alone. Not so good with drabbles, am I? Anyway here’s a bit more context to the drabble. Still very sad though.  
...

It had been two weeks since you saw Crowley for the last time. After the stick-it note on your anniversary you stopped trying. At least you knew when to stop hoping, when to give up and admit defeat. You didn’t know when your relationship failed but you knew it did.

To be honest you were surprised to see Crowley appear in your living room that rainy Tuesday. You had been crying a lot the first days after you had given up. After crying came acceptance though. You tried to be who you had been before him, the whole finding yourself crap. It hadn’t gone well because well you weren’t one to sit at home with some candles to mediate about your live choices. Obviously you had made the wrong choice with believing you could find happiness in love. So instead of mediating -which for the record you tried - you took down the few shared pictures and then repainted the room. Something hands on took your mind off way better.

But then he showed up again. Right in the middle of your newly redecorated room stood the man you loved. Had loved, your mind tried to argue, but you weren’t ready for that quite yet.

“The place looks different”

“I painted”

“Looks good” There was an awkward silence, you noticed Crowley’s searching eyes. You didn’t know what he was looking for, so both of you stood there awkwardly before he finally found his voice again “I see you didn’t put our pictures back up yet - Need me for the hammer and nails part?”

“Pictures are in a box by the door” you informed him trying not to think about what it meant that he noticed them gone “If you want them”

“If I…” there was a questioning look on his face “(y/n) what is this?”

“Oh I’m sorry” you tried to sound stern and distant “Should I’ve left a note on the fridge to inform you about the breakup? It’s our main form of communication these days, I know, but if your boyfriend skips your anniversary dinner and doesn’t even bother to reschedule, I thought he knew that his relationship was failing.”

The look on Crowley’s face was almost comical, there was anger in his furrowed brows, shock on his slightly parted lips but most prominent hurt in his deep, brown eyes. For a second you felt sorry for phrasing the ugly truth so harshly. But then you remembered your days of crying when you realised that anniversary meant nothing to him just like every other date he cancelled mindlessly.

“I get busy for a few months and you break up with me?”

“I break up with you because this isn’t a relationship anymore. We hardly see each other anymore and when we do it’s sex before you leave again. I’m assuming on my side here because who knows what you do in your endless work hours, but exclusive sex doesn’t make for a relationship.”

“Oh so now I’m cheating?”

“Are you?” You challenged “Because how would I know?”

“I’m not” Crowley pinched the bridge of his nose “right now I wish I was. At least I’d know and deserve those accusations and yelling then.”

“So you don’t deserve any of this?” You looked at him in disbelieve.

“Tell me, love, when’s the last time you did anything to make this work? It’s been years but every time you phone your mother you leave the room. I’ve never met your family and I saw the Christmas Cards they know you’re dating someone.” He looked defeated “Fine. This is not working out for us. But I’m not the only one to blame.”

You knew he was right. You never even tried to bring him home. First you had been a little scared what your family would think about him, then you worried what he’d think of you after meeting your admittedly complicating family. So maybe you were at fault too. Maybe.

“Do you want the pictures or not?”

“Keep them.” And with that he was gone.

You didn’t know when your relationship failed but you knew when it ended.


	3. Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: He didn’t know when your relationship failed but he knew he lost the best thing he ever had been given in both his human and supernatural life time.  
> A/n: I thought Crowley’s thoughts on the break-up would also give a little more insight.

Title: When? III  
Characters: former Crowley x reader  
Warnings: angst, falling apart relationship, brooding  
Word Count: ~700  
Summary: He didn’t know when your relationship failed but he knew he lost the best thing he ever had been given in both his human and supernatural life time.  
A/n: I thought Crowley’s thoughts on the break-up would also give a little more insight.  
...

Crowley was sitting on his throne in hell. He had cancelled all meetings for the day. The quiet and broodiness of a place like hell was exactly what he needed. His mood had been sour ever since you threw him out. A very angry part regretted not taking the pictures only so he could burn them.

Of course he’d known that a relationship with a human would be complicated, but despite everything he felt like the two of you could do anything. Most mortals were stupid, insignificant creatures blinded easily by promises of wealth or love. He knew every flaw humanity possessed after spending centuries exploiting them.

You, however, had been different. You weren’t flawless, not by far, but with you he was starting to see some of them as endearing rather than annoying. Your thick skull for instance could give him a headache, but it also looked absolutely adorable if you tried so hard to win a card came you had obviously already lost. It was a small thing, but the way you seemed to focus extra hard to maybe turn the tables made your eyes sparkle with intelligence and determination. The same determination you had shown when you told him that you loved him no matter who or what he was.

And despite what or who he was he loved you too. It might not be smart, reasonable or even possible for his kind, but he did love you. With everything a demon could.

So when did it all go wrong?

There had been so many accusations when everything finally crumbled apart. So many reasons given by both of you which blamed the other. But who was right? Who went wrong and broke that wonderful thing you had?

The nasty demon inside him wanted to be mad and put all the blame on you. You wanted a normal relationship with a supernatural being, but weren’t prepared to let him in your life? Crowley never told you how much it hurt hearing about ‘Caren from work and her charming husband you met at the Christmas party’ when you hadn’t even mentioned a Christmas party at work, never mind asking if he wanted to come along. Your relationship seemed to only exist inside your flat or when he took you for dinner around the world. He was part of your life, but only one part, and you refused to let him in on others.

Wasn’t he good enough for Christmas dinner with people from work? Not the kind of man to let your mother meet? A shudder went through him as he now realised just how much he hated that even the woman he loved thought he wasn’t good enough.

Maybe he should have asked you about it? But to what end? He would have hated to hear you actually say the words. Hated to hear you of all people say he wasn’t good enough.

This relationship had been doomed from the beginning, hadn’t it? You had both been too blind to see it, but your worlds would never be compatible. He was a ruthless demon, he couldn’t spent his day worrying about not being enough for an ordinary human woman. Except you weren’t ordinary. He wouldn’t love you if you were. Crowley had great taste in liqueur, in suits and he must have good taste on women too. So no, you couldn’t be ordinary. And you weren’t. No one else made him, the king of hell, nervous and incredible happy at the same time. With you he was more than the king. He could be Crowley, the man his old human self would have envied for his passion, love and possible future. A future with a woman who no doubt once loved him to the moon and back.

So what happened to all of that? We happened, Crowley thought bitterly, we had something good and didn’t fight for keeping it. It hadn’t been your differences that brought this on, he realised, it had been the things you forgot to say to keep on the happy farce. You had been too busy protecting your love that you forgot to build on it.

He didn’t know when your relationship failed but he knew he lost the best thing he ever had been given in both his human and supernatural life time.


End file.
